dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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