Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
