He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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