it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
