Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
