I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
