She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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