Betty ford says i'm here all night
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
