A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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