i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
