Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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