I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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