im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
