Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
