I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
