Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
