I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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