I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
