I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
