yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
