He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
