we have pet lesbian snakes
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize