he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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