dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
