You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
