It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You are the jesus of drinking
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
