There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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