My liver just broke up with me...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
