I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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