she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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