I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
