I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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