i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
