He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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