today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize