the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
