anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
