So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
