Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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