Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize