a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My cat gives me a boner
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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