She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
