I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
