she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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