I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
