Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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