dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
