Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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