why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Randomize
