I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize