He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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