At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
