I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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