you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
