tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
