Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
