he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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