Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
