Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Are my feet made of real feet?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
