this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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