Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
