I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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