new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
