I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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