I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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