oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
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