she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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