Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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