cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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