after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
