I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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