Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize