I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
