She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
