We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
