There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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